Escape from Promethea | A Tale from the Borderlands

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Jason St-Cyr

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Time to get off this rock! 

(The soft hum of a ship engine can be heard, with some muffled snoring. It seems much quieter than other logs that Jax has recorded. Jax’s voice starts in a gruff whisper…)

It’s been a few hours since we lifted off and you finally managed to fall asleep. It feels like I’ve been on this Vault Hunter running so long… I’d forgotten what your snoring sounded like. True words, though, I’m not yet used to looking over at you and seeing that cyborg stuff on your face, while hearing the same breathing I know so well.

We’ve been so focused on where we need to be next, there’s been no time to fill you in yet on what happened to get to the ship. When you wake up I’ll make sure you get to listen to this log so you can catch up on what’s been going on. You don’t know this crew yet, but you can trust them. I think. They haven’t let me down yet!

The last time I ECHO’d you the tires were still screeching down the highway with the alarm blaring. During that getaway drive, Min reminded me that with a little time we could get that alarm turned off. One problem: the alarm was in the engine block. I hadn’t exactly wanted to stop, but it sounded like we had a good lead on the sirens and the others were going to take a while to get to the port. After a quick pull to the side of the road, Min found the alarm module in the engine and ripped it out so fast I was surprised when the whooping sounds stopped. As she hopped back in, we tore off again, a little bit less conspicuous to the locals. It was a small thing, but was a huge help in getting off-planet relatively unnoticed.

I heard later that Zoe and Deathtrap decided to casually board the local transit, some sort of automated bus type of system, and just ride their way to the port. Like nothing was up. I guess the security bots weren’t checking for those two yet?

As for Fin, the big guy you saw with the balloon animals… I’m not sure I can entirely be confident that what Fin was telling me was 100% the truth about how he got to the ship. He claims he went to the wrong port and started looking for a “boom bag”, which I think is a jet pack? Based on the description of his store to store adventure, it sounds like he wasn’t very successful at that. Fin told me he even had to put on a full disguise and everything to convince a local car rental vendor he wasn’t the same man who had just been in the store. Based on the hand actions he was doing during the story, I think his “full disguise” wasn’t anything more than rearranging his hair and putting on some cheap sunglasses. I guess the local shop vendors are a little overworked right now if that’s all it takes! In any case, he basically stole a car using sunglasses and a balloon animal. Sheriff, let me tell you, this is one of the least crazy stories I have about Fin.

As for how we got you through security, well… ours was a different path in. Min found some crazy cool holo getup that could make her look just like one of these Hyperion security guards. I reckon that is going to come in mighty handy! And I did have to cuff you again, sorry about that, but we were playing that old bounty hunter trick we used to run back in the day. No better way to move a body without too many questions!

Unfortunately, we did get a few questions. 

After slipping unnoticed through the alleys and in through the employee entrance, we found ourselves in some sort of staff locker room filled with multiple guards getting ready for their shift. A few of the officers were wondering why we were coming in with a prisoner this way and started questioning Min. She tried to talk it up as a newbie mistake but they weren’t buying it.  As they turned their backs, Min and I awkwardly shuffled our way out a side door, and not in a subtle way at all. However, whatever bad luck was hitting us back at the street corner was gone now because we got nothing but lucky right then as they got distracted by something and didn’t even see us slip out. 

At that point, it seemed we were in the clear. We could see the ship, right there in front of us, ramp down and all welcoming like. Chef had dropped in, just in time, and was ready for the pickup. Nobody suspected a thing as we casually headed for the cargo bay ramp. As we got closer, we heard a familiar voice behind us, calling out. Apparently Zoe had arrived around the same time and had managed to just walk right through without getting any attention. That should not have been possible, given the likely all points bulletin that would have been out on us by now! Something is definitely up. Why is it every time I get a moment to think about what happened, things just seem way more suspicious?

Zoe and Deathtrap were fixing for a confrontation and it took a moment for us to realize that Min was still in her holo disguise. Zoe hadn’t seen through it! The whole place was about to come down on us. Min suggested we break comm silence, and I quickly radioed Zoe to calm her down. Zoe was able to convince the guards that everything was under control and it seemed like, once again, it would be a quiet exit.

And then Fin showed up. So much for quiet!

Again, I’m not sure how much of this I can trust, but if you believe Fin’s story, he apparently decorated a vehicle as a birthday party service, wore a balloon grass skirt, and showed up at security claiming he was here for a birthday party. Unsurprisingly, this didn’t work great. When the guard asked “Whose birthday?” Fin apparently responded with a nipple twist and an ice cream shoved into the guard’s face! Fin claims he knocked the guard right over with that ice cream punch, took his radio, and drove off shouting “It’s everybody’s birthday!”

I can confirm he has a Hyperion radio, so at least that part of the story was true. 

Fin came in hot in a beat up old sedan, hit the ramp, and skidded into the hangar. While the rest of us looked on in surprise, he started making lewd gestures at the guards, for no good reason. Security staff everywhere started rushing us… and we had been SO CLOSE!

As much chaos that Fin causes, he also seems very skilled at getting out of it. That radio he grabbed came in handy as he yelled into it “People at the gates! Get back here!” By some dumb stroke of luck, every single one of these guards fell for it, abandoned rushing at our ship, and we just loaded in and radioed up to Chef to get us lifted off as fast as possible! 

This deserves an ice cream!

The engines roared to life around us and the ship lurched upwards, sending most of us wobbling around with the hurried liftoff. With a takeoff underway, it was finally time for a sweet reward! At least, for some of us.

Oh, right, I was supposed to make a note… NO…ICE… CREAM… FOR… PENNY.

Your friend in your head filled us in on that one, after Zoe brought down some ice cream to our little temporary home here. They do have great ice cream in Chef’s cafeteria, but probably best to wait a bit before you try it out again. 

After the takeoff, while the crew was grabbing ice cream, I brought you down here to the vault. It’s the closest thing we have to a secure place where we could set up a makeshift medical bay. That’s probably something we should look into! Not that we have any medics here, but I feel like having a med bay is going to be necessary based on the last few days.

There’s a new crew member here, Sparky, who was working on the vaults and helped me get you in here. That’s the noise you could hear earlier. She’s been out there working on fixing up some damage that Fin did to one of the vaults. At some point we’ll probably have to run some background checks on the crew, but for right now, we can’t be too choosy about who gets on board when a job needs getting done. At this point, if one of them’s fixing to double-cross us, it’s like the saying goes:  “it be how it is, when it do”.

While I’m happy to have you here on the ship with us, and more than glad to stay with you in the makeshift medical bay, you might have noticed me keeping some things locked up. We aren’t entirely sure what to make of your little friend in there. After bringing you back around with a med pack, you did not seem entirely happy. Not sure if you remember all the details, but you definitely took a few swings at me. Once everything calmed down a bit, that little inner voice friend of yours came out to make a deal.

The crew and I did some Atlas Vista digging to find out more about what that thing is that’s in your head. Good ol’ Fin, of all folks, was incredibly helpful in figuring out the right thing to look for. Your brain buddy told us it wants to get to Junpai-7, and based on that planet and the similar creature I saw at the Promethea security checkpoint, we think we have a rough idea of what that creature is. Some sort of psionic slug, pretty smart, from a mostly covered sea world. But I have to be straight with you, I did not understand most of that scientific report we found. We’re going to need a science wiz to go through this thing and explain it, because it’s all gibberish to me.

In any case, your companion was willing to negotiate enough to let you have control so long as we take it back there. I don’t know how we’ll get it out of your head, though. Zoe and I have been taking a look at that experimental tech they outfitted you with, and even Zoe can’t figure out what to do with it. I’ve seen her do some pretty awesome hacking things with tech, so I figured she must know her way around this type of stuff, too, right? Bots, system hacking, highly advanced experimental cybernetic brain implants… it’s all the same, right? 

Speaking of bots, sorry for not warning you about Zoe’s Deathtrap! It wasn’t until later that I remembered how much he must look like that thing that blasted you back on Promethea. He’s great, though. Highly violent, exceptionally efficient killing machine, but he’s a good boi.

While Zoe and I were trying to  figure out all this tech, Min was trying to get back to running the ship. I got filled in on it later that, purely for cautionary reasons, Min has put in some pretty advanced security to protect the crew. Just in case, you know, your friend decides to back out on the deal and murder some folks. I can’t rightly know if anything I tell you is going to be seen by El Sluggo, but on the off chance it will, I’m going to have to be a bit sparse on details.

Something you both should know, though, is that your doc hailed Min as we left orbit. Doc Ock? Yeah, something like that. Let me check the call records…

[Sound of beep booping]

Doctor Octavia Hernandez. Ring a bell?

She seems to want you both back in that psych ward pretty bad. Told a good story about how she’s fighting the good fight, trying to stop the terrible things that Hyperion have been doing. Telling us that we should keep you isolated. That we were in incredible danger. As if we aren’t constantly in deadly peril every single day!  

My gut tells me it’s more about getting that tech in your head than doing anything to help you out. Especially after what we saw y’all do to that place, my guess is your vote would be against going back! You’re definitely going to have to fill me in on that breakout. Who brought you your gun, for one? Who was behind this? And what are those quacks up to in that place? I have a lot of questions…

The good news from that call is that we learned that we need to keep your implant charged. What happens when it runs out of juice? Who knows, but we’re told it’s nothing good. Basically three rules:

  1. No cold
  2. No close contact
  3. No letting Brain Gooper jump into other people, taking them over, and generally causing murderous mayhem across the entire ship.

I’m glad you can sleep now. Just in case, I’ll be making sure all my gear is in one of the vaults outside. I want to stay here, but I can’t risk the whole ship. With any luck, I make it through the night this time without a knife at my throat!

It’s good to have you here, Penny. I’m used to YOU being in charge, calling the shots. Somehow, though, I get the feeling we’re gonna need the Sheriff to suit up real soon. Hopefully you’ll be up for that!

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