Killer death robots sure are bigger these days. 

It seems the list of people I need to hunt down is getting longer. This message is intended for one “Handsome Jack”. I hear you can haunt systems. I’d like you to haunt this particular ECHO log system for a moment so I can tell you that I will make it my personal mission to see you wiped completely off this universal plane like a skag with a belly full of Torgue grenades. There will be nowhere you can hide. There will be none who will be able to help you that I won’t take out. You can keep sending your lackeys, but I’m going to come for you. I will Take No Prisoners.

I’m sure you’re quaking in your digital boots, but one day it’s going to be you. Eventually. Lucky for you, you’ve given me other things to worry about at the moment. Going to be busy.

I had been reunited and happy for all of 5 seconds before your MegaDeath Trap had to go and ruin it. In my head, I had this all nicely tied up with a bow. Penny was going to come with us to the ship, we could figure out what was going on with that thing in her head, and hopefully stabilize her implant. But NOOOOOoooOOOOO. You had to go and send a massive robot that rips apart bridges and blasts holes in sides of buildings. Not to mention the giant laser beam thingy into my wife’s chest. Oh, she’s alive, by the way, no thanks to you. And if you think I’m upset right now, you are NOT going to want to see how Penny  reacts if she regains consciousness.

I had tried to get down from the roof quickly and give your Big Boy the slip, but apparently I need to work on my moves a little. If it wasn’t for Min, Penny, and the best rope throw ever, I would probably be a smooshed pile of goo under a long coat on the ground. Definitely surviving here by the Skin of my Teeth. I’ll pull it off next time, for sure! For some reason, Min wasn’t coming down, and for a moment I lost sight of them in a barrage of missiles and flying debris as that Chrome Bucket of yours took out half the rooftop. Penny did try to take the rope down but was taken out by the largest laser blast I’ve seen planetside. That thing has a starship cannon for a head! Where did you find this thing?

Out of the corner of my eye, I think I saw a rocket slam into this Metal Monster here and it shrugged it off like it was nothing. I do think I detected a little bit of sadness in that one eye. I think I saw Zoe just jump up on top of it? I don’t know what was going on there, but I was almost sure she must have had a plan.

[Sound of a shots ringing out, screaming from psychos, and a car flipping]

Oh, that could have really hurt! I didn’t know Fin could lift a car? That dude is practically Addicted to Chaos.

Speaking of Fin, you might be wondering why a bunch of Psychos seem so organized in their chaos against what is obviously a superior foe. Yeah, you can thank Fin for that one. He’s the one with the teeth that look like something out of your worst nightmare. The psychos were screaming about some broken ice cream machine, so I’m guessing Fin’s let them know your Destructotron was probably to blame for that. You know you really shouldn’t mess with people’s ice cream!

By now, you probably have realized that you are losing control of that big can of metal. Zoe can do some amazing things. I really have no idea how she could have been kicked out of any institution here. Practically a genius, this one. Kids gonna go far, if she can stay alive and not Wake Up Dead. 

While the throng starts taking pieces out of Mr. Rock’em Sock’em Robot here, you may see Min firing from the rooftop. And a bird dropping grenades. And a sharkboy with balloons trying to rip off the thing’s head. Even good ol’ Deathtrap seems to be getting in on the fun. It’s a shame I have to focus on things like SAVING MY UNCONSCIOUS PARTNER FROM DYING IN THE STREET LIKE SOME KIND OF …. God damnit, now I’ve made myself Angry Again.  I hope they all rip its slagging core out and feed it to Deathtrap.

[Sound of a sniper rifle firing from right next to the recording device]

Take that, you hunk of junk.

Looks like Zoe may have lost control here for a second, but don’t get your hopes up. With any luck we’ll all be getting out of here real quick. But We’ll Be Back. After all, we still have to Kill the King.

Image credit:

• Design art from “Borderlands 2”. Sourced from: https://cdn.quotesgram.com/img/77/8/1826552543-borderlands2_artworks_0001.jpg